I don't know why, but lately I've been really tired of the internet. It doesn't make sense, but I feel great (sometimes, when some of my BFFs talk to me) and other times, I feel so overwhelmed and bored.

Right now, the only thing that's keeping me at my computer is my iTunes. And downloading music, I guess.

I've just been sick of a lot of things lately, and I just want to like... make it go away. Most of my friends are out of the states for the summer, and I'm just waiting for my birthday and school to be back. I miss all of my friends and I miss the routine that I used to have everyday.

I am SO blessed to have all my friends around me (you guys know who you are, Moonie, Shini, FE, Wasabi, Kristy, Jenna, Kristi, Cindy, Mandy, Ronnie) and I just want to bring them back.

I guess it's kinda hard to admit that suddenly people are changing, and they're moving on. I don't want to grow up. I want to stay the same.

A lot of people say that obviously, but it's just... I don't know.
I can't really explain it.

I'm tired of going around and fighting with people. I'm tired of some people fighting with me.

I don't want to grow up bitter or cold.

But I feel like I can't do anything about it.

Which really sucks.

I actually made a soothing playlist, because it seems like I can't get enough of that anymore. I want to open my mind and start listening to different kinds of music and genres. Lots more of Jon Mayer, lots more of Parachute. I'm planning to go through iTunes and delete the songs I don't listen to anymore, straight up.

That'll probably leave about 15% of my iTunes.

But I don't care. I would rather listen to the songs I like then people judging me and saying, "You only have 30 songs you like listening to? I have 1000."

While I'm talking about it, I really want to thank two people in my life. Kristy and Jenna. You guys are the best. You guys don't judge, and you've been with me for so long. I love you guy SO much, it's insane. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
You know, if I think about it, I really can't see you guys not in my life. It's just something I know will always be there; not against me, but beside me.
Through my ups and downs, you guys can make me laugh when I'm sad, when I'm feeling depressing, and the best; when I'm happy.

This journal entry probably has no meaning to you guys, but I just really need to get something out.

What? I don't know.

Also, I'm starting to lose my faith in some things that I love. It's kinda personal, so I can't say it publicly, but the things I used to look up to, the people I used to love aren't really in my heart anymore.

Like I've told a close friend of mine, I've learned that I can only surround myself with the good people around me. I have no time to mess and fight with people that aren't necessary in my life.

Say it sounds harsh, but I'm really sick of going through the same routine of fighting and getting hurt.

I guess that's all, because I don't know what to say anymore.

Thanks for anyone who's reading this.

xxox,
Tainted